Complex

‘Complex’ is a complex word as it has multiple usage and meanings. It is used in mathematics, chemistry, psychology, physics, real estate and the context in which I used it earlier in the sentence, all with different meanings. I want to focus on the one in the field of Psychology. Quick history lesson — It was first used by Carl Jung, the famous psychiatrist. A less known fact about Jung — he partly owned (through marriage) the IWC watch company. I had to mention this given my interest in watches although I do not own any IWC.

There are many types of ‘Complex’ that are listed by psychiatrists of different times mainly Jung and Adler. One of the most common and known one is Inferiority Complex. I believe I suffered from it when I was young. And I think a lot of people that I know suffer from it too. But it is not all that bad. I believe and some psychologists also believe that it can push you to strive harder and to put in more efforts than you normally would if you did not suffer from it.

As a young boy I wasn’t ambitious maybe because I did not believe in myself and always thought there were others who were better than me in most of the things that I did or had, whether it was studies, sports, general knowledge, looks, language skills, possessions etc. etc. To be honest, even now I think it is true but the way I look at it is very different. And it makes all the difference in who I am versus who I was then. And I wanted to share it here just in case it helps people who carry this complex too.

Let me explain. When I was young, as I was not ‘the best’ at anything, it made me feel inferior to others who were better than me at something or the other. Which was naturally the case. Some were better at sports, some studies, some sketching and, many were better looking. I focused on what they were better at or rather, what I was worse at. The first (most common and most talked about) mistake was comparing myself to others. The second (not so commonly talked about mistake) was to not look at myself holistically. Now, I see myself as the sum-of-parts. And as Aristotle said “The whole is greater than the sum of the parts.”. And I completely believe in that.

I would like to believe that I am wise enough to know that there are others who are better than me in everything that I do. But it is very unlikely that there is someone (one person) who is better than me in every given way. And the same goes with me i.e. I am not better than any single person in every possible way. Hence, comparing two people is meaningless. It is comparing apples to oranges. This is without even getting into the complexity of different backgrounds, different upbringing, different culture, geography, year of birth, opportunities, luck blah blah blah…

It is quite simple, right? I think so. I would love to hear your viewpoints if you don’t. What worries me is that people compare themselves to others. Sometimes they do it directly. Sometimes indirectly i.e. when they idealize someone or have idols. I completely agree that one must admire others for their admirable qualities. That is absolutely necessary for us to learn and know how much better we can get at a quality that we admire. Or just to admire someone for what they are. But thinking of someone being perfect overall or having a perfect life is the biggest lie we can tell ourselves. I remember once a colleague of mine said Tendulkar (Indian cricketer) is god. I corrected him that he is god of cricket. I told my friend that it is not very different from how my friend is god of excel sheet and financial valuations. He was really good at it. Best I have met so far. I love Tendulkar too. For his cricket abilities and his humility and many other things. I liked him so much that I stopped watching cricket after he retired. But he is not an idol for me. My idol is me, more specifically, a better version of me. Not better than anybody else but what I am now. Again, I am worse than many (or maybe most) in a lot of qualities but that doesn’t matter. Question is how am I as a whole today as compared to yesterday.

In 2007, I somehow got into Investment Banking — something that one could term as unattainable (or maybe even silly to even think of) for someone with my academic profile. Becoming an Investment Banker boosted my confidence many folds (even though it came with imposter syndrome). Once you get in and you are doing well, you can expect to become a Managing Director within 10 years from the level I was at then. And I thought it was a given as I was at the top of the game working min 14–18 hours a day and delivering. But the confidence did not last too long and it was shattered with the Great Financial Crisis, the following year. Now, after 14 years I have still not become a Managing Director or equivalent. Far from it. Because of luck, circumstances and everything that I couldn’t control. And that was just a first amongst the series of career disappointments that had to follow. Most were beyond my control. But constant achievements and failures made me realize over time that I wasn’t inferior. I just had the complex. I am absolved of the ‘Complex’ now. There were people who showed confidence in me when I wasn’t confident of myself. I thought they were just being nice and wanted to make me feel better. But I realize now that they meant it. I realize now that there are a lot of factors that play a role in everything that happens to us. Of which we can control only a few. If we have put in all the efforts that we can, then we don’t have to worry much. We are not inferior to anyone. Only to our future self.

Do I regret it or am sour about multiple career failures? Absolutely not. Because I believe I have upgraded myself overall. My career is just a part of what makes me. There is a lot more to me than that. And I have developed myself in many other areas which I may not have able to if I was dedicating 16 hours a day at work. It is always a give and take. One event changed the course of my life. I know I would be a very different person from who I am right now if I had continued as an I-Banker. Better or worse, I cannot say. But, in general, I like who I am right now. Are there things that I wish I could change or improve. A resounding yes! But that is what I mean by a better me. Holistically…